Eat My Words - The Kitchen Sink

Namethis.com - $99 for a name and a laugh

The aptly named company Kluster FKC is using trying to use crowdsourcing (and $1 million) to name companies via their second venture, Namethis.com (their first crowdsourcing venture, Knewsroom went kaput in 37 days...ouch). 

For $99, Namethis.com claims to give you three world-validated names for your thingamajig in 48 hours.

We had no idea that "world-validated" was an euphemism for "really awful names in any language even if it isn't a real word, means anything or is even pronounceable".  Here are some of the "winning" world-validated names created so far:

• Eaternet - first wireless pay-at-the table entertainment device
• Magnapeutic - therapeutic magnet patches
• iChews - individualized cereal in the mail
• Vestisa - investment management company for the people
• Encompa - online strategy/consulting firm
• Beauternity - beauty and anti-aging website
• el-goog - reversed web searching 
• G.E.C. (Global.Energy.Climate) - climate change charity

We don't want to live in a world where a word like Beauternity is validated.

While we will acknowledge that $99 is a bargain compared with what you might pay elsewhere for similar  names, there are several issues.

1. The names suck.
2. They have given no legal consideration (see el-goog  above who will have Google sending one of their friendly cease and desist orders around five seconds after their website goes live).
3. Anyone can just go on the website and snatch names for free.  Why they would is a different issue.
4. The names suck.
5. Namethis.com makes about $20/name (after paying the crowdsourcers or is it crowdsourcee?).  Accordingly, the volume would have to be huge to make any real money for their investors, which seems unlikely.
6. Our friends at Wordlab already have a website doing essentially the same thing for free.
7. Did we mention the names suck?
8. Every name fails the SMILE & SCRATCH Test.

We don't know if crowdsourcing in general can be successfully monetized over the long run, but we will be very surprised if Namethis.com survives. BTW, their 37th day is July 13.

Rival firm Igor continues to dominate Google

Our friends at Igor have long dominated Google, always appearing in the top results for key phrases including "naming firms,"  "branding firms," and "name my product." Masters of Search Engine Optimization (SEO), Igor is the bane of many naming firms who obsessively monitor their biting blog, Snark Hunting, and are baffled by how Igor continues to stay on top. One rival naming firm owner has paid thousands of dollars to SEO experts, yet still can't make it to the first-page results. Now the Igorians have really outdone themselves... as of 1:48pm PST today, Igor is the #1 search result on Google for the phrase, "does this make you horny, baby?" We love the guys at Igor too much to try to compete with them over this priceless phrase. (For the record, Eat My Words doesn't spend any resources on SEO - our highest caliber clients come through word of mouth.)

Outdoor Cocktail Party + Serious Global Warming = Sizzling Fun in the Summertime

Sometimes, global warming works in your favor. That
was the case last night at our 3rd annual Summer Fling.

Held on the garden patio at the Eat My Words SOMA party

pad, guests dined on a catered Mediterranean feast, which

included succulent mushrooms, grilled lamb burgers,  fresh  

melon with prosciutto and mozzarella, and homemade 

gelato sandwiched between buttery soft cookies effortlessly

made by the culinary geniuses at Herbs & Spices Catering.

Specialty cocktails, named by Eat My Words, included

Razzleberry, Pommy Dearest, Monkey Business,

and our signature drinks, Mother Pucker and the tangy

SonicBloom, which is made with the energy drink that

we named Bloom, mixed with vodka. (Don't drink more than

seven at once).  Party guests included nearly 100 clients 

and friends from Joie de Virve Hospitality, Glu, Landor, Igor,  
Cake Financial, Pasta Pomodoro, and others. Thanks to
to our fabulous co-host's Three Girls Media and Marketing

(our awesome PR firm) and Fresh Sage Consulting. Extra 

special thanks to our generous raffle donors, including

SIGG, Spoon Me, OhMiBod, Koo-ki Sushi, ShadeCases

and Joie de Virve Hospitality. To see more photos and

learn the identities of the sexy guests pictured here,

peek at the official party page photo album.

 

    

Alas, Name Mangler is not one of our Competitor's

We recently ran across this company, and thought that at last, one of our competitor's was fessing up with a descriptive name of what they do.   However, it is not a naming company but a file naming utility. Ah well.  Just in case, these URL's were available this morning, if any of you guy's want to snap them up.

• WTFNames.Com
• StinkyNames.Com
• VileNaming.Com
• EwwThatsYourName.Com
• YouNamedItWhat.Com
• THATIsWhatIPaidFor.Com

As a refresher, take another look at our competitor's work (a PDF file), take a Bromo and give us a call.  Our names go down easy, taste good on the palate and won't back up on you.  You will want to come back for seconds.

To assist you in the selection of a main course, here is our SMILE & SCRATCH Test to whet your appetite:

The secret to powerful, unforgettable and sticky brand names is simple, "A name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head." We evaluate every name we create based on this no-brainer philosophy - and now you can too with the new Eat My Words SMILE  and SCRATCH Test^TM. Run your own product and company names through the test and see how they hold up. It's not as easy as it sounds. Most names fail because they are spelling-challenged, hard to pronounce, and meaningless to customers who don't know Latin (which is just about everyone except for Alexandra's mother). So cancel your focus groups and use this criteria any time you're trying to objectively evaluate a name. You'll instantly be able to see if you have a winning name or if you should scratch it off your list.

SMILE – the qualities of a powerful name
Simple – easy to spell, say, and understand
Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it"
Imagery – visually evocative - creates a picture in your mind
Legs – carries brand, rich wordplay, brand-extensions
Emotional – empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens

SCRATCH - scratch if it has any of these deal-breakers
Spelling-challenged - it's not spelled the way it sounds
Copycat – similar to competitor's names
Random – disconnected from the brand
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced
Tame – flat, uninspired, non-emotional, boring
Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it
Hard-to-pronounce - not obvious, relies on punctuation

All of our names pass the test: Spoon Me, Neato, Monkey Dunks, Cake Financial, Dizzywood, Dash, and countless others. Do yours?

Compare the names of 30 naming firms in one little PDF.

Any naming firm can dazzle you with impressive lists of clients, slick presentations and puffed up mumbo jumbo about their patent-pending Verbal Identity Engineering process. But when it comes down to it, you're not hiring a naming firm for all the hoo-ha - you're hiring them to create the perfect name. For your convenience (and our amusement), we have compiled an anthology of names created by nearly 30 naming firms from ABC Namebank to Zenmark. This apples-to-apples comparison against Eat My Words is enlightening, entertaining and for the most part, totally horrifying. And as devilish as we are, we promise we did not pepper the list with fake names - these are straight from the websites of the respective naming firms. Don't wait another minute, download the PDF and see who can take credit for such doozies as Itzakadoozie, Hyyrus, Encysive, Opteum, Sageo, Piralta, and Phyve.

Spotlight on: Circle®Brands

This is a continuing series of  postings that will spotlight other naming firms.  We think our clients should have a choice, and clearly Eat My Words is not the only naming firm in business.

Next up is Circle®Brands, a self-described "dedicated band of brand architects passionate about creating distinct company names, product and service names, taglines and slogans. We subscribe to and incorporate the highly scientific, yet universally ignored, study of “human nature” and “common sense” to create names and phrases that exude instant brand resonance, memorability and top-of-mind awareness with your audience. " 

Circle®Brands was unknown to us, and perhaps the world, until we stumbled across this press release entitled: MAVERICK NAMING COMPANY CREATES BRANDING INDUSTRY FIRST.

How could we not be intrigued?  Here is the industry first.  They have "boldly reverse-engineered the customary approach to branding by creating and trademarking comprehensive brand identity packages in advance of any client initiative."

That's right, they name your company before you have a company.  A naming Field of Dreams, if you will.

A sampling of these proto-names includes:

• We Do The Math® - (brand package designed to catapult a progressive accounting/CPA firm into a national household name)
• Get SMiTTEN!® - (campaign for the Love of Michigan, playing off the geographically unique mitten-shaped state) 
• LaBeatOh!® - (multi-faceted brand identity package that blends music and merchandising into a worldwide franchising concept revolving around a unique and exciting Latin-themed dining and entertainment venue)
• LVNV™ - (acronym for "Las Vegas Envy," Circle®Brands has created for the promotion of tourism and commerce for the city of Las Vegas, NV)
• Aguavana - (original name we created and submitted for consideration for the new 4-star luxury hotel concept from Joie de Vivre Hospitality) 
• BloomService® - (ultimate brand identity package for the floral, gifting and garden lifestyle industry is geared to rival the industry frontrunner 1-800-FLOWERS)
• Pizzapotamus® - (the Revolutionary New Marketing Tool For The Next Fast Food Generation!)
• Dr. Chewlittle's - (a clever and kid-friendly brand identity package ideal for marketing a doctor-recommended or created organic baby food and product line)

Perhaps you have noticed that certain names have the "®" designation, meaning the mark has been registered at the USPTO.  We looked up We Do The Math® and discovered that it is in fact a registered trademark as "Accounting Services" and was first used in commerce on 09-22-2002.  The owner is an affiliate of Circle®Brands, named  Lip Service® Communications.  Nowhere on the  Lip Service  website can we find any reference to accounting services (the WeDoTheMath.com website is a placeholder), so we don't know how the claim for "used in service" is upheld.  Our guess is that the other registered marks may have similar issues.

Seeing that WeDoTheMath.com was purchased on March 29, 2002 and is still owned by our spotlight company, it appears that  reverse-engineering  doesn't add up to much.   

We think this reverse-engineering concept is odd, soulless, hollow and lifeless.  Instead, check out some great names created for the real world by our favorite naming company.

Oh, and we Do the Math.

 

IS CIRCLE®BRAND THE NAMING  FIRM FOR YOU?

To evaluate if a naming firm is a good fit for you, ask yourself these 5 questions:

1. Does the company have a creative name?
2. How memorable are the names in their portfolio?
3. Do they have experience in your category?
4. What do their clients say about them?
5. Do they look like they’d be fun to work with?

For more on other naming firms stay tuned for spotlights in our blog or check out Our Competitors on the Eat My Words website, which provides a fresh alternative to old-school naming.

Xohm - a name that should've been X'd off the list

As the Easter Bunny makes his rounds, Sprint has brought us an egg of its own: Xohm (WiMax Service).  Eat My Words would like to extend Xohm a warm welcome to the Name Shame Hall of  Fame.

What does Xohm mean?  No one seems to know, even the executives of the company. Atish Gude, Sr. VP of mobile broadband operations for Xohm said the company chose Xohm "because a marketing company told it to." He goes on to say,  "we contracted with a company to come up with a very cool, cutting-edge name that really reflects what we're trying to do - which is mobilize the internet."  How does the name reflect that?  Gude calls it, "an empty vessel...We can make it out to be whatever we want."  That marketing (naming) agency in question is Zenmark, a self proclaimed "World-Class Verbal Design Agency." (They sound ripe for one of our Competitive  Spotlights.)

Sprint's John Polivka says Xohm is a made-up word, but Sprint fully intends to make Xohm a household name, hopefully spawning such usages as "Xohm me" or "meet me in the "Xohm."  Polivka goes on to say, "focus groups keyed in on the lead letter "X" for its "cool factor." Finally, Polivka says that " the end goal is for the new name to become synonymous with the mobile Internet just as Xerox has become synonymous with photocopying." (EMW:  Is he serious?  Meet me in the Xohm?  Cool Factor? Xerox?)

In various press release, Sprint says that Xohm is pronounced "Zoam." Others say "Zome." What we find amusing is that they tell us that Xohm is pronounced like two words that don't exist.

So, does Xohm pass the Eat My Words  Scratch Test?

SCRATCH - scratch if it has any of these deal-breakers
Spelling-challenged - yes it is, oh please yes
Copycat – similar to competitor's names - no, thank God
Random – disconnected from brand - yes, and from reality
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced  - blue ribbon here
Tame – flat, uninspired  - yes, despite  the "X" factor
Curse of Knowledge –no, not even insiders get it
Hard-to-pronounce  -yes, even with the tutorial

So, if nailing just one of these is a deal-breaker, hitting a home run on all of these mistakes it an instant inductee into the Name Shame Hall of Fame and a leading contender for our Head Scratcher of the Year contest. Note: the name is similar to last year's winner, Xobni. Starting a name with X is so 2007, or in the case of Xerox, so 1961.)

TO VENT: Send your contender(s) for The Name Shame Hall of Fame to nameshame @ eatmywords.com. (We won’t sell your email address to spammers, we promise.)

Spotlight on: Bizword

This is a continuing series of  postings that will spotlight other naming firms.  We think our clients should have a choice, and clearly Eat My Words is not the only naming firm in business.

Speaking of business, or Bizness, is the naming firm Bizword. On their bare bones website they refer to themselves as "the name in branding (sm)."  Ironically, for being "the name in branding(sm)", they don't list any brand names they have actually come up with. 

As such, we will have to take their Bizword that they "develop powerful, compelling trademarks that sell. From gleam in the eye start-ups to entrenched global behemoths, our work spans the gamut of verbal brand expression: strategy; corporate, product and service naming; nomenclatures; architectures; brandlines and taglines."

In checking the USPTO database, we find in addition to Bizword, they also have the trademark on Überbrand, but no help there either.

We also found a quote from 1999 attributed to a principal of Bizword that may explain part of this dilemma.  In discussing the impact of the Internet on competition he says:

       "The great equalizer is the ability for anyone with dial-up access and an Internet account to build a website", explains Dennis Rainer, principal for Bizword (formerly Name-design), a San Jose, Calif.-based branding firm.

OK, but then after you build it, shouldn't you do something with it?

Bizword has had an Internet presence since December 2000,  so it is odd they have not shared any of their names with the world in the last seven years.  So, having no names to review, the best we can do is to provide a progression of their own taglines over the years:

• Planetary Trademarks. Phonetically Engineered.
• Breakout Branding.
• The idea and taste machine.
• Take me home.   (Ed. What?)

If Bizword wants to tell us some of their names, we will be happy to list them here.

__________, _________, __________, ___________, ____________, __________.

In the meantime, take a look at some publicized names by our favorite naming firm.

IS BIZWORD THE RIGHT NAMING FIRM FOR YOU?

To evaluate if a naming firm is a good fit for you, ask yourself these 5 questions:

1. Does the company have a creative name?
2. How memorable are the names in their portfolio?
3. Do they have experience in your category?
4. What do their clients say about them?
5. Do they look like they’d be fun to work with?

For more on other naming firms stay tuned for spotlights in our blog or check out Our Competitors on the Eat My Words website, which provides a fresh alternative to old-school naming.

Spotlight on: ABC Namebank

This is the first in a series of weekly postings  that will spotlight other naming firms. We think our clients should have a choice, and clearly Eat My Words is not the only naming firm in the phone book.

Speaking of phone books, just like "ABC Carpet Cleaning," and "ABC Plumbing," who have outsmarted their competition with names that get them listed first in the Yellow Pages, the first naming firm featured is "ABC Namebank." The brainchild of  "Naseem Javed, (pictured above), ABC Namebank  is a naming company whose "level of specialization is unmatched by any other agency in the world."

ABC Namebank's gold-star portfolio include Telus, Intria, Zarlink, Tronicus, Duplium, Gentra, Genexxa, Celestica, Minnova,  Gennum, Agricore, Pollara, Vincor and "hundreds of others," which do not appear on their website.  We did find this on the website though: "Over-creativity can cause fire and damage. Don't get too creative. Do not twist, bend, stretch, exaggerate, corrupt or modify alpha-structures to their extremes in naming. It may result in difficult,confusing, unpronounceable and only silly names. Avoid overly creative solutions."

A scrolling ticker on the homepage links to  Mr. Javed's appearance on CNN Business Unusual. If you don't have time to watch it, here are  some highlights...

On how he named his company...
"We specialize in the alphabet, 26 letters of the alphabet. All the connotations, all the permutations, the analysis. I  borrowed the first three letters for my company".

On if Coca-Cola was a good name...
"Coca Cola is a very nice name. It was developed 20-30 years ago, 50 years ago [actually 1888]. But you would not want to fly a Coca-Cola Airlines most probably it will leak all over the place".

On what some good new names were...
Sony [formed 1958], Panasonic [formed in 1955] and Microsoft [formed in 1975]

In summary:
• There are 26 letters in the alphabet
• He's never enjoyed Virgin Cola on Virgin Airlines
• There have been no good names since 1975

IS ABC NAMEBANK THE RIGHT NAMING FIRM FOR YOU?
To evaluate if a naming firm is a good fit for you, ask yourself these 5 questions:

1. Does the company have a creative name?
2. How memorable are the names in their portfolio?
3. Do they have experience in your category?
4. What do their clients say about them?
5. Do they look like they’d be fun to work with?

For more on other naming firms stay tuned for weekly spotlights in our blog or check out Our Competitors on the Eat My Words website, which provides a fresh alternative to old-school naming.

How other naming firms work: the process revealed

In a stunning admission in a recent article, Jim Singer of Namebase (the naming firm behind such gems as Any'tizers™, Tranax, and Softwin razors), revealed the company's naming process, "We sit around a table and think up good-sounding words, and then we take them apart and try to sell them to the clients afterwards with a lot of science behind it. But really we're just kind of babbling in there, and when a good one comes out, we write it down." WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? That's like saying we wait for images to show up in our toast in the morning (The Virgin Mary, President Bush, Brad Pitt) and then we run ourselves through a series of ink-blot tests ("I see a car, a butterfly, a pygmy goat!"). Then we combine the first three letters of the toast shapes with the last three letters of the object that we see in the ink blot.